I want to start with Sartre's "Existence precedes essence"
I find my essence, already existing. I do not see myself as a complete person, but find myself in the process of becoming - a process without completion, only an end. Perhaps this is for me the foundation of existentialism.
Adding some more dramatic foundations - the instability of one's self, the necessity to continuously recreate oneself, doomed to freedom. A person is not defined by anything, is not reduced to any system, or a belonging to some system. A person is not a function, not a detail, not an instrument. Every person, unique and irreplaceable, has the right to their own life, and whether to live it is a choice available to everyone. Undoubtedly, it was important for me that all this is only real in close contact with the present, in the ability to be in the moment that separates the past from the future. Last summer, I went scuba diving and during the week honed skills that seemed to be mandatory but in reality, it's entirely possible to dive without them, and from my observations, many divers with dozens of dives under their belt manage without them. One of such skills that I managed to master was "neutral buoyancy" - the ability to hang in a motionless pose at any depth and regulate one's movement in vertical space just by breathing. Inhale, and the scuba diver rises, exhale, and gently descends. Despite its seeming simplicity, this skill is composed of many components - properly selected ballast (weights on the belt), correct inflation of the vest, and the ability to relax and not act impulsively. The balance of the weight pulling down and the air providing support is found only in a special state of inactivity and self-awareness. Therapy based on such foundations is primarily an exploration of the client's being and the clashes of this being with the givens leading to internal contradictions and conflicts. The exploration is not self-sufficient, of course, but is conducted with the goal of helping the client to exist - by creating themselves and realizing themselves Analysis and clarification of the self-construct, its components, and their influence, possibilities, and limitations - imposed by them on our relationships
Why I love existentialism
For its courage to speak directly about being. For the ability to talk about the important as about everything else and about everything as about the important. For its non-systematic nature and lack of claims to completeness. For its attention and respect to the unknown. For the invitation to dialogue on common questions and mysteries. For the lack of promises and for the hopelessness of expectation.
Existentialism in my professional work
It would seem that my encounter with existentialism occurred within the framework of training in psychotherapy, and there could be boundaries to the influence of the knowledge and experience gained. Thus, something could remain unchanged, untouched. However, there are knowledge or even just the experience of encountering knowledge - affecting all aspects of life. Undoubtedly, such an encounter that occurred in the last four years has seriously touched all my life spheres. It was impossible to avoid this encounter in my main professional activity.
The impact of existential philosophy and psychology on my life
I remember, being already independent and professionally established, I periodically caught myself thinking that "I write life on a draft". This thought did not scare or embarrass me, I was even ready to name the age when "the time would come", but meanwhile... And in the meantime, I lived an active life, full of unexpected turns and challenges. Countries and continents changed, my career was on the rise, children were born. Everything was possible and only "real life" remained undefined and postponed for a decade or so. Recalling myself in those years (and observing myself today), I discover in myself a strong inclination to find a system in everything, to conceptualize. My professional communication with clients and workers often took place against the background of a whiteboard and with a marker in hand. Everything appeared in the form of schemes - I really honed my skill and eye for extracting the systemic essence from problems, ideas, and even people. This way of thinking allowed me to function effectively. However, it did not help me feel truly alive.
"Most often, people follow this path without much difficulty. But once suddenly the questioning 'why?' arises, and it all starts with fatigue, highlighted by surprise"
Moreover, schemes and understanding of the simplest systems only emphasized the complexity of everything. One system flowed into another - more grandiose or split into smaller ones. Attempts to understand everything as a system confronted me with the infinitely small and infinitely large. As a result, no matter what successes I achieved in understanding and overcoming questions, I found myself only further from understanding why all this was necessary to me. If described more simply and frankly, it must be admitted that this way of existence was my protection. Protection from the adult world, complex and dangerous. The desire to understand the system, and the rules of its operation - allowed me to exist safely in this world. But the feeling that this was not enough for me. I felt my responsibility for living with this insufficiency but denied myself the freedom to act according to that responsibility. In Sartre's words - To make oneself "existing as a project of oneself beyond the present to that which it is not yet". This mechanistic nature made me successfully functioning but deprived me of something invisible, existing between systems and within them, between their parts. Trying to understand myself as a mechanism, entering into relationships with other mechanisms and acting with them as part of a larger system - I did not deprive myself of air and that invisible, ephemeral that exists in it. Perhaps for the purposes of solving practical tasks, it can be neglected, but In my emotional unavailability, I step by step built my comfort zone and felt quite good in it At some point, emotionally unavailable people become scared. On one hand, in their life "everything is under control", everything happens approximately according to their scenario. But sometimes they feel total loneliness and do not know what to do with it. Because letting someone into their life means taking a risk and coming to terms with the fact that for the first time in a long time, something might go wrong, because the personality of another cannot be programmed as we would like Albert Camus wrote that a person begins with the limit. The main problem becomes the finitude of his existence and the question of the prospects of his life. The idea of finitude introduces into the existential situation a special experience of the border of existence, which a person must "endure". The German philosopher K. Jaspers called this peculiarity of human existence a "border situation" The essence of this anxiety is that a person can rely only on themselves, and this does not give them any peace
